Editorial
November/December, 1975
Volume 10, Number 6
When God created the first man and put him in the Garden, Adam was a lonely being. He needed the love and companionship of a good wife. God created Eve to be Adam’s companion, and ever since that time it has been God’s plan for most men and most women to leave the homes of their childhood, to become united in holy wedlock, and to set up homes of their own (Mark 10:6-9).
The house may be a rancher or a cottage, an apartment or a tent — but if father and mother and children live there (bound together by the cords of love and the bonds of holy matrimony and the ties of mutual respect) – it is a beautiful home. To be a Christian home, there must be a submission on the pan of each member of the family to the greater authority of the Lord Jesus Christ.
The Bible sets forth basic principles that must operate if a home is to be pleasing to God. Responsibility is the key to the husband’s role (1 Corinthians 11:3). Subjection is the key to the wife’s role (Ephesians 5:24). Obedience is the key to the children’s role (Colossians 3:20). Nurture is the key to the parents’ role (Ephesians 6:4). These are “the four walls” of a Christian home. If any one of these principles is ignored, the home will tend to collapse.
The home is a testing ground by which a local assembly of believers can determine whether or not a man is qualified for leadership responsibilities in the church. The church officer is to be one who “rules well his own house,” one whose children “are in subjection with all gravity,” and one who has “faithful children, not unruly.” It is an awesome responsibility to be a mother or to be a father, to be a husband or to be a wife. one who is a poor example in his own little home, is incompetent to be a leader in the assembly of God’s people.
In our day marriages are breaking up, families are falling apart, and many young people are simply “shacking up” together without bothering to make lifetime marriage commitments. Dr. Sorokin says, “No society has ever survived after its family life deteriorated.” What is happening to our country at the time of its Bicentennial celebration, is identical to what happened in the Greek Empire just after the Peloponnesian Wars, and to what happened in the Roman Empire during the early centuries A.D. Both of those nations fell. Unless there is a revival of respect for and practice of the God-given principles for our homes, America is headed for the same destination.
The Christian Home
by Olen B. Landes
The home is an institution of divine origin, instituted long before the church. The home is the basic unit of society, and the foundation upon which civilization is built. Although the home was instituted long before the church, both have much in common. The same love, compassion, devotion, understanding, and loyalty which exists between Christ and the Church, should exist between husband and wife, parents and children, and brothers and sisters in the Christian home.
Therefore, every Christian home is a little church, a haven of domestic joy, a refuge from the stormy winds that trouble the sea of life, and a shrine where the members of the family purify their souls at the altar of prayer and thus renew their strength and courage for the daily tasks. Home is a place where the family works together with God in creative processes; a place where little children are nurtured and taught; where persons sing, laugh, play, and cry; a place where youth are prepared for the going out, for the taking of their places of responsibility in society; it is a place of tranquility and peace, a place of joy and happiness. It is sad indeed that many homes are far below God’s standard, and are not the kind of a place just described.
It seems that Satan is using every strategy, every means at his command to undermine and break down the home. J. Edgar Hoover once said: “Some American homes are the greatest crime-breeding institutions in the nation, because it is here that children learn disobedience, disrespect for authority, and rebellion against the rights and properties of others. In thousands of homes children are being raised as though they were boarders; three meals a day and sleeping quarters are all that home represents to such youngsters; after school and between meals they are being shuttled out into the streets, off to the movies, over to the neighbors, down the alley, anywhere, to get them out of the way.”
Mr. Hoover also said, “The rising trend in crime once again directs its attention to the home youthproblem. More and more I am convinced that the fault lies directly in the home. Parental responsibility is no longer in style. Juvenile delinquency does not occur until adults first become delinquent. I do not look upon this situation simply as a juvenile delinquency problem. I think it is more properly described as adult delinquency, the failure of the mother and father to properly establish a home and take care of their children.”
The sanctity of the home and the marriage relationship is being treated far too lightly today. The United States is leading all Europe and the Americas in divorce. Our nation’s present divorce rate is approximately one third of the marriage rate. We must face the hard cold facts whether we want to or not. Divorce is failure; it is family bankruptcy. So called “free love,” wife-swapping, and the obsession with sex are large contributing factors to the moral break-down in our homes. Some pastors and university chaplains are openly condoning pre-marital sex. The American people are becoming obsessed with sex, and this is a mark of a decaying civilization. Dr. Arnold Toynbee, who is recognized as one of the great historians, has said that of the twenty-two civilizations that have arisen in history, nineteen of them collapsed when they reached the moral condition that the United States is already in.
Let us observe some things that we can do to strengthen the moral, social, and spiritual condition of the home.
1. Emphasize more than ever before the importance of Christian marriages, which are preceded by a time of courtship based on Bible standards. We find the following admonition in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” In 1 Corinthians 15:33 the Bible says, “Be not deceived; evil communications corrupt good manners.” The Williams translation reads: “Evil companionships corrupt good character.” The importance of Christian marriages is lifted up in 1 Corinthians 7:39, “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she pleases so long as he is a Christian. ” If it is important that the second marriage be a Christian union, it is far more important that the first marriage be a binding of two sincere believers in Christ, for it is to this first union that children are usually added. Every young person when considering forming a life’s companionship, should seek divine guidance. If he seeks the Lord’s direction earnestly and prayerfully, he will receive it.
2. Encourage every married couple to establish its own home, and let the husband take his place as the priest or head of the family, and as the bread winner; and let the wife take up her role as his “help meet,” and a “keeper at home.” Many women argue that they have to earn an income in order to establish a home. They think it is impossible to survive on their husband’s income. That is sometimes the case, but it must always be viewed as a regrettable necessity, never as the normal or natural thing for a wife to do. When God instituted the home He said that a man “should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife.” In Ephesians 5:22-24 we observe the following instructions: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” Although we husbands and fathers hold a very important place in the home as the priest (or head) and the bread winner, the mother occupies just as important a place. Every mother in addition to being a faithful helpmate to her husband, must be a teacher, a nurse, a disciplinarian (in her husband’s absence), a diplomat, a dietitian, a cook, an interior decorator, a seamstress, an artist, an economist, a mechanic, and she assumes a host of other responsibilities. What a diversified career! Only a God-fearing woman can rightly fill this place in the home. The Bible says in Proverbs 31: “For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil, all the days of her life. ”
3. Exercise more love and understanding. Being the priest or head of the family does not give the husband the right to lord-over or mistreat his wife. The apostle Paul writes the following instructions under inspiration of the Spirit in Ephesians 5:25 (Living Bible) “And you husbands, show the same kind of love to your wives as Christ showed to the church when he died for her.” Christ’s love for the church is an “agape” sacrificial kind of love.
The husband who isn’t careful about being on time for meals, or carelessly drags mud in the house on his shoes, or thoughtlessly throws his clothes over a chair or on the floor, is not doing his duty; the husband who fails to close his dresser drawers and closet doors, or does not consult his wife when making plans that involve her, or fails to assist her with some of the duties about the house when she is burdened with little children, or talks disrespectfully to her — is not showing the kind of love to his wife that Christ showed to the church when He died for her.
Members of the family must strive to cherish a mutual esteem and love; to bear with each other’s weaknesses and infirmities; to comfort each other in sorrow, sickness, and trouble; in honesty and industry to provide for each other; to pray for and encourage each other in the things pertaining to God; and to live and work together as heirs of the grace of God.
4. Establish the family altar. This means we should set aside a period of time for Bible reading, study, and prayer as a family. There is much truth in the familiar saying, “The family that prays together stays together.” This is not always easy with the kind of schedule many of us have to follow. It will require effort, but it will pay great dividends. If the family cannot always be brought together for worship as a unit, we should never neglect our daily private devotions. I would not want to face the many duties and responsibilities of the day without first spending some time alone with God in meditation and prayer, pouring out my heart to the Lord in thanksgiving, adoration, praise, and making my requests known to God, seeking His grace and guidance for the day, asking Him to make- me an effective witness as I come in contact with people. The first people I have an opportunity to witness to are the members of my family. Much more could be said about the importance of the family altar but time and space will not permit it. Brother Kenneth Hershey has written a splendid article on the subject in a previous issue of the Witness. (See Volume 9 Number 4).
5. Keep the communication lines open between husband and wife, parents and children, and brothers and sisters in the home. Communication is a basic skill needed to establish and maintain sound relationships in the home.
My father possessed a very deep-rooted faith. His standards were set high. He believed in holding to the line. Yet, he was very loving and understanding, and always kept the communication lines open. We children could always go to him at any time under any circumstance and share our concerns with him.
The Christian is admonished to speak “the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of an other” (Ephesians 4:25). Christians cannot walk together harmoniously unless they do so on the basis of honesty, openness, and truth. Each member of the family should be able to sit down and discuss problems freely with the other members of the family, and matters should always be settled before nightfall!
6. Exercise more discipline. Christian discipline is one of the ways through which love exemplifies itself. In Hebrews 12:5-7 (Living Bible) we read, “And have you quite forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you, his child? He said, “My Son, don’t be angry when the Lord punishes you. Don’t be discouraged when he has to show you where you are wrong. For when he punishes you, it proves that he loves you. When he whips you it proves you are really his child. Let God train you, for he is doing what any loving father does for his children. Whoever heard of a son who was never corrected?”
Although the new approach to child training advocated by some academic teachers, rules out the wisdom of discipline, (they say that all the child needs is free expression of all his inward desires) – the Bible says, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying” (Proverbs 22:15). Hebrews 12:11 (Goodspeed) says, “Discipline is never pleasant at the time; it is painful; but to those who are trained by it, it afterward yields the peace of character.”
“Child guidance has taken on a new meaning,” says popular columnist Ann Landers. “Parents are being guided by children. Those of us who are past forty have witnessed a dazzling historical triple pass. In our growing up years Father was the undisputed head of the house. With the advent of World War II, Mother displaced Father, and now in far too many families, the children are calling the signals. They are clearly in control.” The Bible says, in Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother (which is the first commandment with promise), that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” The following verse as it is paraphrased by Phillips clearly implies that discipline begins with teaching: “Fathers, don’t over-correct your children or make it difficult for them to obey the commandment. Bring them up with Christian teaching in Christian discipline.”
In Deuteronomy 6:7 we read, “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” This challenges us as parents to be more diligent, making every effort to instill into the young receptive minds of our children the great eternal truths of the Scriptures.
There must be a mutual love in each of our homes. The love must not be one-sided. The husband is to love his wife and the wife is to love the husband. Parents are to love the children, and the children are to love the parents. This is the roof that must cover the home, and it will bring happiness to all who live there. The greatest need in America (and the greatest need in the Church of the Brethren) is for more truly Christian homes built upon Bible standards. You can’t decide for other homes, but from this day forward you can decide that yours will be a Christian home.