Editorial
May/June, 1983
Volume 18, Number 3
There is a war on the family today. Forces which are behind the war on the family include: 1) Concepts assumed on TV (sex without love, rebellion against authority, divorce and remarriage); 2) The cult of playboy; 3) The women’s liberation movement; 4) The homosexual revolution; 5) Questionable medical advances (genetic engineering, artificial insemination, cloning, surrogate motherhood).
U.S. News & World Report said recently that only 13% of our nation’s households consist of the ideal family — a working father, a stay-at-home mother, and one or more children. A report in Newsweek (in its 1983 fiftieth anniversary edition) says that 3% of our nation’s households are POSSLQs (Persons of the Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters). The “family” is often defined as “two or more people who reside under the same roof and have a commitment to the future.” Such a definition allows for apartment marriages, bigamous liaisons, communal cohabitation, and homosexual partnerships.
The “family” (in its true biblical sense) is “a unit comprised of persons who are related by blood, by marriage, or by adoption — with a male father and a female mother who have made a binding commitment for life.” This rules out saying that a fellow and a girl temporarily living together until one partner tires of the other is a “family.” It does not allow two lesbian females who adopt children and live together under the same roof to be called a “family.” From God’s point of view (as revealed in His Word), a good family unit consists of a dynamic leader for a father, a self-sacrificing mother, and cooperative children who respect their parents.
Marriage is not a custom that gradually came to be accepted during early human history. The family as an institution was originated by God at the time of the beginning of the human race. Marriage is a God-appointed relationship. Genesis 2:24 is a key passage that describes the divine origin of marriage. God says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.” Notice some conclusions drawn from Genesis 2:24.
1) A lifetime binding commitment — “cleave” is a word that speaks of a strong binding glue like the epoxy glues that cannot be broken.
2) Establishes a separate unit — “leave” means “to abandon the former relationship” not in the sense of dishonor but in the sense of establishing a new entity.
3) No homosexual marriages — the passage is given in the context of a man and a woman (Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve).
Thus, those who love the Lord and are seeking to do His will, cringe when they read statements like the following: “Marriage itself, or marriage and the family, are now instruments of women’s oppression. The institution is wrong.” (Gloria Steinem, in an interview in Redbook magazine). Let Christians everywhere seek to order their family relationships in accord with God’s Word. The article which follows is an attempt to help all of us.
God’s Design For the Christian Home
By Harold S. Martin
The nearest thing to heaven on earth is the Christian family and home, where husband and wife, parents and children, live together in love and peace, devoted to God and to each other. By way of contract, the nearest thing to hell on earth is the ungodly home, broken by sin and iniquity, where parents quarrel and bicker and separate, and where children are given over to the forces of wickedness to be brought up with scarcely any training at all.
The word “home” likely takes your mind back across the years, and for some the mind goes across hundreds of miles of space — to the spot which will be forever hallowed in your memories among all places on earth. You are reminded of the place where you grew up as a boy, or as a girl, playing around the yard with brothers and sisters and neighbor children, and where you sat around the old range stove on a winter evening with your mother and dad and the rest of the family. There are several things about that old home-place which ace not true about any other spot on earth, as far as you are concerned.
In this message we want to see what the Bible says about the duties of the various members of the family to each other and to the Lord.
1. DUTIES OF WIVES TO THEIR HUSBANDS
a) The Christian wife is to be subject to her husband. God says that the husband and wife are to submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21). There is to be a mutual submission between the two. But Ephesians 5:22 says the wife is to submit to her husband’s leadership in the same way that she submits to the Lord. Just as a team needs a head coach, and a business needs a director, so the home needs someone to be in charge — and God says that the leader in the family situation should be the man.
Some think “submission” means that the wife becomes a kind of insignificant doormat. But the wife is not inferior; she is not a slave; she is not a doormat. “Inferiority” speaks of a fundamental difference in personal value. “Submission” speaks of a simple difference in relative responsibility. The husband should lead off in shouldering financial problems, making major family decisions, and taking the lead in spiritual nurture — and thus the wife is relieved of the emotional pressures that often bear down in daily family activities.
If a neighbor complains to a wife and a mother about some damage the children did to his fence, the wife can say, “I’ll speak to my husband about it and we’ll take care of it.” This is a proper response, and it sets the wife free from the emotional burden of making final decisions, and taking the responsibility for them. Each wife should rejoice in her husband’s authority over her, and should be subject to him graciously. It is your special privilege to move day after day under the protection of his authority. This is women’s liberation in a very real sense!
It must be pointed out that the Lord commands husbands to love their wives, and if the husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, she will have no difficulty with being subject to him. When problems arise (and they will arise), they should be carefully discussed together. A vote should then be taken. If both agree — good. But in the case of a tie (the wife votes one way and the husband votes the other), then the husband should cast the deciding vote. The husband should assume the final leadership in the home.
b) The wife is to respect and admire her husband. Ephesians 5:33 says, “Let every one of you (husbands) so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
The wife should respect her husband. This seems to be true even for the wife who has an unsaved husband (1 Peter 3:1). What kind of life are you living before your husband) Does he see in you true Christian living? Are you cheerful, loving, loyal, and obedient? Some wives drive their husbands away from Christ because they don’t respect them. Instead of being cheerful and obedient, they are noted for preaching and nagging. Nothing breaks the spirit of a man more quickly than a nagging wife.
The wife who loves her husband will be careful not to say things (even in a joke) that would tend to injure him. The wife who loves her husband will be careful not to use sarcasm or bitterness or verbal attacks. The wife who loves her husband guards his respect and maintains a home that supports him. The Amplified translation of Ephesians 5:33 says, “Let the wife see that she respects her husband, notices him, regards him, honors him,. . .and admires him exceedingly.” c) The Christian wife is to be a keeper at home. Titus 2:4-5 says, “Teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home.” The home is to be the sphere of the woman’s influence. There are too many families that have such a high standard of living that mother has to work away from home to help pay the bills. Then in the evening, when happy family activities should take place, mother’s energy is all spent, and pressing duties don’t permit her that happy fellowship. There may be some exceptions, but generally speaking, the father is to be the breadwinner and the mother is to be the keeper at home.
2. DUTIES OF HUSBANDS TO THEIR WIVES
a) The husband is to honor and respect his wife. We are instructed in 1 Corinthians 7:3, “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence.”
The husband is to show due courtesies to his wife. It is pathetic to see how some young men can play the part of a gentleman, be courteous, gracious, and show respect to young ladies when they are courting them — and then after marriage, they come home and scold and nag and become sullen and bitter. The Christian husband is to remember that it is no easy thing for his wife to keep house, care for the children, and experience the vexing things that come along with the daily duties of home life. Let the husband render to his wife due courtesies.
b) The husband is to consider her physical frailty. 1 Peter 3:7 admonishes, “Husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel.”
The husband is to keep in mind that his wife is generally speaking physically more frail than he. Each husband should be careful not to create additional unnecessary work for his wife. And yet when some husbands leave the house in the morning, it seems like a hurricane had gone through, and when they come home at night it looks as if they brought half the mud from the river-bed in on the carpet! If we husbands would close our doors and hang up our clothes we might have more pleasant wives.
c) The husband is to truly love his wife. Colossians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”
The husband is to demonstrate true affection for his wife. He should tell her that he loves her, and he is to treat her with the same love and gentleness and kindness he showed her while he was courting her. How long is it, husband, since you remembered her with those little tokens of love (a box of candy or a bouquet of flowers) which you were eager to shower upon her during courtship days? If you have been neglecting this duty — go to your wife, apologize for your thoughtlessness, take out your family Bible, read the record of your marriage, and brighten up that old level If husbands and wives would work as hard to keep each other as they once did to catch each other, most domestic home problems would be forever solved. The spirit of courtship needs to be continued throughout married life.
3. DUTIES OF CHILDREN TO THEIR PARENTS
a) Children should honor their parents. God says in Ephesians 6:2, “Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise.”
It is the duty of every child to respect and honor his parents. If you are inclined to be ashamed of them, remember that they cared for you when you were altogether unable to care for yourself. We sometimes forget that our mothers endangered their lives for our sakes; we are ungrateful for the weary toil of our fathers; we fail to appreciate the many sleepless nights that they went through in order that we might be comfortable. Each of us owes his parents honor and respect and courtesy.
b) Children should accept instruction from parents. We read in Proverbs 1:8, “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother.” The admonition is very simple. Children can easily understand it. It is wise to heed the instructions of parents because the advice and mandates which Christian parents give are generally intended for the welfare of the child.
Danny was a seven-year-old boy, and had a big yard in which to play. But in winter, he always wanted to do his sledding on the snow out on the road. One time when his mother saw him out on the road, she called him in, and made him stay in the house — reminding him how she had told him never to sled on the road. But throughout the evening, Danny kept an begging to go out. He had heard the laughter of others on the outside; they were having a good time, and finally his mother let him go out. As he dashed toward the door, his mother reminded him once again: “Remember what I told you, Danny, about going on the street; stay in the yard.” But those were the last words Danny ever heard his mother speak. Five minutes later, he was killed by an automobile out on the road.
c) Children should diligently obey their parents. Children are instructed in Colossians 3:20, “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.”
One of the most beautiful Scriptures regarding the childhood of Jesus is the one which says, “He went down to Nazareth and was subject unto them.” If Jesus, the eternal Son of God, was subject to family authority, then certainly every child ought to obey his parents. One of the saddest New Testament Scriptures is the one that says, in the last days children shall be “disobedient to parents.” A child should never call his dad “the old man” and his mother “the old lady.” Children — treat your parents as you’ll wish you had treated them when you say your last good-bye to them and when you take that last look at mother and daddy as they lie before you in their caskets.
4. DUTIES OF PARENTS TO THEIR CHILDREN
a) Parents should teach their children. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, “And these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine heart; and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shall talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”
Bear in mind that every child is born into this world with a sinful nature, and that the cute cooing baby in his cradle will soon demonstrate that he has a will of his own. He will lustily scream if he doesn’t get his own way. Thus every child needs to be taught diligently. Reading and quoting the Bible in your home should be just as natural as talking about the weather. Teach them the way of salvation. Read to them from wholesome literature. Memorize Bible verses with them. It is amazing how much truth a child’s mind can absorb.
b) Parents should he good examples for their children. The passage in Deuteronomy 6:8 says, “And these words. . .shall be in thine heart, and thou shalt teach them.”
The Word of God must first be in the parents’ hearts! Children are great imitators. We have all seen little girls wearing the clothes of older persons. They want to be like mother. The best way to “train up a child in the way he should go” is to go that way yourself. Most children want to be the kind of man or woman their mother and dad is.
“There are little eyes upon you,
and they’re watching night and day;
There are little ears that quickly
Take in every word you say.”You’re the little fellow’s idol,
You’re the wisest of the wise;
In his little mind — about you
No suspicions ever rise.
“You are setting an example,
Every day, in all that you do,
To the little boy who is waiting,
To grow up and become like you.”
c) Parents should discipline their children. Proverbs 29:15 says, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” The New Testament says that children shall be brought up in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). The word for “nurture” is actually “scourging.” Some don’t use the rod, but if you want to ruin your children, just dance to the tune of their every desire and you can be assured that the job of ruination will soon be complete. I have seen children throw themselves on the floor and kick and scream and insist on getting their own way — and the parents made one threat after another, but failed to mete out due punishment. God have mercy on parents who fail to discipline and admonish their children. The Bible tells about God’s judgment on one family because the father (who was a good man and was engaged in the service of the Lord) failed to discipline his sons. Read the account in I Samuel 3: 13.
May God help all of us to live “at home” so sweetly, so tenderly, and so lovingly — that the memories we make within our homes may be music in the heart, sweeter than the songs that angels sing — and may our family circles be unbroken in the world to come.
If we had paid no more attention to our plants than we have to out children, we would now be living in a jungle of weeds.
